I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
