Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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