weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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