i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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