i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize