i need an iv and a liver transplant
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
