you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
