Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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