Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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