After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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