I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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