could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
