In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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