Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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