This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
