Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
