dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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