i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
