I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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