Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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