i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
