Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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