It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
