I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
