just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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