Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
