So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
