i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize