you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
