I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Randomize
