i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
