I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
