My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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