note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
