i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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