Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
