I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
