what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
