Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
