my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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