2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
