I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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