roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
