He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
