A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
