Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
