Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
