and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
