If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
