I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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