I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
