strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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