sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
