I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
