i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
