my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
