Old men and throwing up are my life now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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