it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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