That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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