Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he thought i was a dude.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
