and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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