she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I smell like Dick and happiness
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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