he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
