Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
