So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
