dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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