our cab driver is having phone sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
