I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is that strawberry winking at me??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
