On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize