Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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