saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
