If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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