Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
