it wasn't lemon gatorade
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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