Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
