Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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