don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
